*A GLANCE AT MY HEART!*

***Hey people’s!***

This post has no picture quotes etc…

Just me… Doing me!

Isn’t life a funny thing?

For weeks on end I can feel very little emotion…

Then all of a sudden I hit emotion overload

and no, it’s not just “That time of the month!”

it just happens sometimes… Rarely these day’s

which is good but it still happens and when it

hits me, boy do I feel low as hell…

But as long as we are alive there will ALWAYS

be a new day starting tomorrow to try again!

It usually only lasts an evening and the next

day I can always wake up in a new frame of mind

as whatever way you look at it, yesterday is the past

and quite frankly the past just doesn’t matter.

People do though, even people you haven’t

spoken to in months, when you miss someone

it can be heavy on your heart, whether it’s an

ex, a family member, a friend,

someone who has passed away…

For me sometimes  it’s a whole bunch of people at once!

That my friends is when I feel pretty shitty!

Life gets so busy and working full-time

just doesn’t leave enough time to see and

do all I want to and the only way out if this is to

create a master plan so that I can get rich and

retire at 35… Hmm I’m not quite there yet but I

have goals and ambitions and I will be fucked

if I am not going to try my best to accomplish them!

I just need to relax my mind sometimes…

I start thinking way too much, thinking about

too many things, too many people… I start thinking

about thinking! Then I think some more about my

over-thinking… Then I start to temporarily feel insane!

I need to be more selfish really… I’m working on it!

Ha-ha!

I really feel for people battling depression &

anxiety/panic attacks as if one day of a life in their

shoes now and again can make me feel so bad, what

the fuck must they be going through? I have to salute those

amazing people for battling on every day regardless!

Never give up, life is always what YOU make it!

But when I miss someone so much, it hurts me bad!

When someone you love leaves your life it’s

never easy… I guess it’s only when they are

really gone that you realize just how much of

an impact they had on you and your life…

I hate missing people, it tears me up, especially

people you really care about and haven’t a

single bad word to say about them…

People that promised to alway’s be there.

That’s why it’s so important to rely on nobody but

yourself, if people are there, all the better but

you just can’t trust people nowadays…

Sometimes it really can’t be helped and people

move away etc but all the same, I miss them.

Like promises… What is a promise anyway?

When someone promises to always be

there, always love you, always hug you, kiss you when

your world comes crashing down… The amount

of people I have loved that have broken their

promise is unreal… It’s sad! Trust issues always

lead me back to the same questions from people

in particular new men that want to get to know me:

“Why is it so hard for you to trust me?!”

All I can honestly ever say is;

“Why is it SO damn hard for people to keep

promises and be real?!”

I can ask myself this question until I am blue

in the face… The truth is, the people who really

care about you wouldn’t break it would they?

Not everyone has broken promises, but most have!

Sometimes the people I very least expected as well.

People might know my name but they don’t know

my story, they know what I tell them, not what

I’ve been through… #Real Talk

People are never really as nice as they

seem… Being real! It’s so HARD to find REAL

people in a world full of fakes, snakes and plastic!

People used to just be super fake on the inside

but now they are also fake on the outside!

It makes me laugh these men and women trying

to cling on to every little piece of their youth!

Face-lifts, hair plugs… Whoever said Barbie and Ken

were not real living people… Well that was a lie wasn’t it?

Hey I am learning more and more every day that

anything is possible! Ha-ha! I often feel like I am just

an alien on this planet… Almost like this is hell! Full of

evil, negativity and hate! Granted not everyone

is like this, of course not! But the greatest

people in this world are so hard to find and I am

not getting any younger… Plus how many total

bastards do you have to meet before an Angel

comes along? I don’t know… I don’t wanna give up

hope but it does get hard some days…

In my little bubble I

sometimes day-dream that the reality is

I am lost from where I was born and that

one day I will find my way back to my home

planet where everyone is loving, loyal, happy,

ambitious, positive and well… Just REAL!

I would do anything just to have more then

a days worth of faith in society… I know I

only come here to rant and I am sorry but

needs must and all that…  some people

want diamonds, some people want gold, some

want to be rich, famous… I could go on and on

with what people want… But I just want 4 things:

True love, success, happiness and a family!

But that all takes time, I would settle for one thing

and not even for me but for my Mum, I love my

Mum so much, she is one of the most intelligent

people I know and she should not be

without a job it’s crazy, it really is!

FUCK YOU REDUNDANCY!

I just want some good news for a change like my

Mum to say those four words that would

change our lives;  “I’ve got the job!”

Gosh I hate that she has to go through such

a hard time when she has always been an

incredible person… That’s why I am convinced

this is hell and the best people are either taken

from earth to retire somewhere better earlier

and others are tested on earth to the point where

they get an even more premium retirement…

Who really knows? But it doesn’t make sense.

I got one thing I can always be proud of though…

My heart! It’s been broken, cheated, trampled on and

ripped apart a few times now and guess what?

IT STILL WORKS!

I could never stop caring, sure I have guards up

but most of us do, we either change because we

have learned enough that it just happened or

because we have been hurt enough that we had to.

The songs chosen in this post are very special to

me… Every word, every sound…

Some people, like me use music as a healing method.

I think they’re songs we can all connect

to in some way! Music is my world!

Sorry to those who have recently nominated

me for awards or awaiting guest blogs from me…

I do keep my word even if I also take my time.

Please know how much it means to me though.

Also I am not sure if I will have a personal blog I am

seriously thinking twice… Just may edit and delete

a lot of this one as I love this stupid little blog!

That is all.

Love always…

~Vagenda Vixen~

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