Ok… So that was everything I wanted.

It is what every girl/woman wants surely?

I thought I had found him…

3 times! 🙂

It really is lovely to be so at peace with

the past and previous heartbreak…

It really is true… Time is a healer!

When people used to say it I never

believed it… I thought it was just pity talk.

But let ME TELL YOU... It’s true.

Time IS a healer and it get’s so much better.

Hey a couple of days ago I thought not smoking

was making me a little crazy… Right now I am

calm as ever, sober and still a non smoker!

GO ME!!!!

You would think by the 3rd time you break-up

with someone you really loved,

it wouldn’t hurt so much.

But it does.

It hurt just as much every time…

The only real difference was the length

of time it took me to get over the pain

and the person I had lost last.

But I did and here I am.

Calm, relaxed and thinking about a

new special someone… I didn’t even see it coming.

I really, really didn’t.


So what happens when you find him?

When you find that one special person.

The one that compares to no other.

The one that you could have fun with…


The one that makes you LOVE being you.

Because whenever you are around them you feel

like a million dollars… Even when you’re broke!

When you start to feel it…

What do you do? The butterflies and that

extraordinary feeling that takes over your whole

tummy and makes you feel all fluttery and stupid,

and warm and fuzzy, it excites you and takes you.

Are you supposed to hold off until the

person tells you first? Or do you do like I

always did and just BE REAL…

Say it as soon as you realise… As soon as it strikes!

Wherever you are… Totally unplanned.

All or nothing! 🙂

It’s like the minute you say those  3 magical words





Your veins are open, exposed to harm

and danger…  Like you have just cut your wrists

and the 4 words you are waiting to hear are what will save your life.

It all becomes surreal, intense. For a minute or 2 everything

freezes and you know… The only 4 words  that

are important in this world at this particular time,

the only 4 words that matter anymore are;





I wonder how many people say it back?

When they don’t really mean it…

Or how many people said they loved the other person back.

But the truth was, the love wasn’t there when they said it.

It just grew over time… I would rather be told nothing, then have someone lie.

Love is not something to pretend or you can force.

It just happens and you cannot control it, nor can you measure it.

Relationships are based on trust.

We will never know the answer to these questions.

It’s impossible to know… That is why TRUST is so important.

People don’t often question these things so much…

Well, maybe after they have been hurt by someone they

REALLY, really loved, like me and many others!

They just might…

But the truth is… These questions don’t matter!

Over-thinking can often ruin things and that is why

I always say it’s great to just trust your instincts and

take risks where you see fit…

Don’t be so scared to trust yourself!

If there is anyone you should feel safest with…

It’s YOU!


You be sure to remember that.

When you have 2 broken hearts,

I thought it would be harder, once feelings arose mutually,

I thought it would be really, really tough.

But to my surprise… It was somehow easier.

Because we both know where the other has

come from. You know that they can’t afford to be hurt

just as much as you can’t. It is like the ultimate bond.

The ultimate trust, a big risk on both parts.

Something that brings you together.

Likes two hearts becoming one.


Do you remember the first time you knew

you were in love with your partner?

Do you remember, where you were?

How you felt? More importantly…

How long it took you to tell them?

How did you do it?

I remember my lovely friend Leanne

being envious of the fact that I had been loved

and been in love and she never had.

It is only now since she has met


That she realises why she had to wait

so long… She is not like me.

I used to wear my heart on my sleeve.

I remember all 3 times I fell in love…

The places… The times… The big HIT!

When all of a sudden love knocks you down…


When life as you know it changes again.

I remember the last time I fell in love.

I also remember the pain I felt when it all went wrong.

That was how I knew what I felt was real love.

The break-up. The worst week of my life.

At least it only lasted a week the last time…

Well the very worst of it.

Like I had no control over the heartache.

I remember telling myself that I would never fall

in love again… I am so happy that I never gave up on love .

I also said that if some divine miracle

happened and I did fall in love again…

That man would be my last love.

My future, my family, the father of my kids.

The one… The ONE I had to go through all

the shit first to find…  The one my heart and soul

had been looking for, the one who completes me.

The one I could be happily stranded on a

dessert island with, for the rest of my life

and not care. It’s as if every scratch

and bruise on my heart was to prepare me…

To MAKE me the best, the strongest,

the most understanding.

The most fearless. A fighter.

The kindest and most loving…

All for him… The worthy man.

I become the ONE just like him, the only person he

will ever need to love him, the true love…

I said I was done with love a few months back.

In fact I said and I quote;

“Fuck love & fuck loyalty!”

How jaded and bitter it sounds…

It makes me cringe but I was so hurt.

I now say;

“Nothing BUT love & Loyalty!”

See! Much Better… 🙂


I thought it first after a long day of rest,

followed by a long walk that lead us to

a lovely Thai Restaurant, it really was

the perfect evening after the stress of

needing to pee was so bad I could have screamed.

We got lost… What a doughnut… LOM!!!

Men and directions, it’s like WTF!

It was when we were play fighting that I thought;

“I think I am falling for this idiot!”

I say idiot because he had just licked my face,

to wind me up and as much as I hate it…

I enjoy the struggle and revenge

plots… I am like a cat, waiting to pounce!

when he goes to the bathroom,

I hide behind the door so that

when he comes back in the room I can yell;


Like a mad woman and OMG Ha-Ha!

It gets him every time… I love the

excitement that builds inside me whilst he

is washing his hands, about to return.

 I love him and all his crazy antics…

I was reminded of happiness

I have not felt in a long time when we

play-fight like that… I loved it!

It really touched my heart and soul.

He gave me back a piece of me that has been

missing for a while… For that I am eternally grateful!

The uncontrollable laughter… I am smiling just thinking

about it right now… I really am! 🙂


I will elaborate more soon I promise…

Let’s just say…

 I am definitely falling…

Like Alice down the rabbit hole.

 How deep it goes? Time will tell…

But I NEED to sleep… It’s 4:40am I don’t know

why the fuck I am still awake… I was supposed to be

having an early night… Didn’t quite work out!

Good Night people’s… Or should I say Good Morning?!

That is all…

Stay tuned for Falling in love part 3

Love always

~Vagenda Vixen~




  1. Happy. I have lived and lost twice, and I wait for destiny to bring me what you have found…

    1. Well someone with a heart as beautiful as yours is sure to find the right person at the right time. Time will tell, things are not always as they seem… Just as much as I am excited and happy is just as much as I am scared and worried… Sometimes things can seem too good to be true… I would be a fool not to act on what seems like fate.

  2. You are a person worthy of being loved. To those who give so shall they receive

    1. What a beautiful comment! That really touched me… 🙂 Thank you so much! I would say the same back to you!

  3. jalal michael sabbagh.http://gravatar.com/jmsabbagh86@gmail.com · · Reply

    Incredible efforts,sensible post.(love is many splendid things ..Nalalie Wood) MY regards.jalal

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