Hi people… hope everyone is well, I had such a great birthday and so much so I am still recovering. It really is not about HOW MANY people come out with you, it’s about the quality of who you have with you and my girls made the effort to make me feel like I didn’t want to be anywhere else but with them on Saturday and I had so much fun! I was not LOOKING for men, entertaining the comments or giving my number to those who asked. Instead I danced like I was insane and I did not care about my make-up sweating off, I didn’t re-do it and I did NOT care what anyone else was doing or what anyone else thought and do you know what? I felt so FREE!
Like the day i got 3 tattoos all in one day 2 new and 1 re-colour… boy was that a mistake! Ever had 3 tattoos all healing at once? They were all fairly big as well you know! Yes… savlon city! My thigh, my back and my foot, crazy times! I have 5 tats and counting!
By the age of 24 I have learned that not everyone will be there for you when you need them, not everyone will care, but the ones that do care and are there are special and you should NOT take them for granted. A month or so ago I thought I had it all mapped out, my partner, my home, my future, my everything… I let my happiness fall into the hands of someone else, someone who let me down, hurt me and totally screwed me over, someone who never deserved me to begin with. I will never let this happen again. It is dangerous doing this and it is now I see where I went wrong.
Being single is not such a bad thing, nobody to clean up after, to cook for, to give to, to worry about. If and when Mr Right comes along and sweeps me off my feet, I will let him join in MY life, I will never make anyone MY LIFE again. Lessons learned make me wiser, give me the upper hand on life’s path and I said when I started this blog, all the things I learn I will pass to you guys. I used to be so needy in having a man in my life, feeling like I was inadequate if I was single, I now see it was only because I was unhappy inside that I made these silly mistakes. We often cannot understand why certain things happen, especially when we don’t deserve it but it all makes sence in the end and there is no point in revenge, I had thought about it though, I must admit but honestly, just sit back and wait as those who hurt you will eventually get theirs and if your lucky enough God might even let you watch. I believe in Karma because I have made mistakes and FELT Karma come back to haunt my ass. So be patient, it is only a matter of time before the bitch comes out to play, Karma, the bitch! LOL
I cannot stress how important it is to talk about your feelings. It is NOT going to do you any good in the long run as eventually after all the fake smiles and laughter, you will crack. You need to find happiness WITHIN and peace of mind comes from being the best you can, living for YOU and being YOU. Not by being someone else FOR someone else but by truly finding yourself and loving yourself, putting everyone else aside sometimes so that you can re-connect with you and truly have some “me time”.
I started my first day at the exhibition I am working at for 3 days today and boy do my feet hurt after the stupid heels I wore out Saturday… OUCHIES! You are on your feet all day but I managed to make it through the day and not only collect a load of new business, I actually enjoyed it too. Not so many sexy business guys today however but hey, I still have 2 more days to go!
It was refreshing to go out and feel good inside and not worried about anything other than myself for once. I spend my life worrying about others and being there for everyone I love, but what about me? I need to be there for me too and a lot of the time I forget that. I am never going to stop writing and I hope people continue to enjoy my posts.
I have been doing a whole lot of thinking and I now see that the only reason I didn’t post my draft blogs recently was because I was a little worried about what others might think, you see I wanted to tell everyone what had happened to me because I was angry and so very hurt and I wanted the world to know what was done to me and to find out if anyone else could relate etc, but what was really the point? Would I get anything out of it… Or would people just think:
The amazing new friendship I have recently made has truly filled a void in my heart, a void to need, to want, feeling alone… A very special friend has come along and been there for me in ways I could never have even asked for. I found a light at the end of a tunnel and it showed me that there ARE like-minded nice people out there that DO care and will be there for you in the way that you want them to be and in turn I will ALWAYS be there for him and will continue to help heal his heart too as the day my heart was messed with, someone elses was too. It brought us together and we turned a negative situation into a positive one. Plus he also showed me not all men are bastards LOL This is why it is GOOD to talk, you never know who just might listen/understand/care… You also never know how many other people are going through the same thing at the same time as you are.
I have been tested and pushed all my life and as much as I hated some of what I went through, I can’t regret it as I have simply learned too much from it all and knowledge is POWER!
Love being you, you are who you are, learn, grow, change, let go, take risks sometimes, don’t be afraid, and the risks that don’t pay off are just lessons learned… Life is your playground, be a leader not a follower, keep it 100% real, don’t be a fake… Stop caring so much about what other people think, caring for people that have little care for you and start caring more about yourself! For they can be there or not, but when the time comes the people you love can lead you to the door, but it is YOU that has to walk through.
Back to exhibition tomorrow, dear LORD!
I will be back!
Ciao for now!