Ok, so I just lost the love of my life, I cannot do anything about this fact, but I hope even though I am suffering badly, I can help people keep and save their relationships. Nobody deserves to feel the way I do right now. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. Now I rarely ask for advice as I spend more time giving it, so if anyone wants to post me any pages on heartbreak and how to cope, please feel free, anything related to break-ups that you didn’t want or were not prepared for. I need to keep busy and I need all the support I can get. I haven’t slept in 3 days or eaten properly and I know I wont sleep tonight either.
WELCOME TO HEARTBREAK!
Anyway, I will add and discuss my favorite and most helpful/interesting parts of the book, if you don’t own this book, GO AND BUY IT! Read it, cover to cover, and then again so you can ensure you take it all in for when these things arise. If I had bared this all in mind maybe things would be different, maybe not, who knows.
Now, no offence but I really didn’t expect that the first life changing book I would ever read, that would help me understand the real importance of relationships, communication and getting what you really want out of a relationship, would be written by a MAN!
Now I in no way mean to be rude when I say this, it just goes to show that this is LIVING PROOF that not all men are assholes LOL and there are the amazing ones out there that we can still find and can have the hope of finding, it is like 50 gold paperclips in a box of 1000, but they are out there! Go find yours, or maybe he will come to you, who knows, happy hunting!
This is a fascinating book, the main aim being to make men and women aware of their big differences, but also to let people know that these differences are perfectly normal. Without the awareness that we are supposed to be different, men and women are at odds with each other. We usually become angry or frustrated with the opposite sex because we have forgotten this important truth. We expect the opposite sex to be more like ourselves and desire them to “want what we want” and “feel the way we feel” but of course this is impossible, unless certain things change first in the relationship to enable a happy and healthy long-lasting of love and happiness.
Assuming our partner loves us, leads for assumption of them acting in certain ways to show this. We think that because we act in certain ways because WE love THEM, they should be doing the same to show their love also.
WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!
This attitude will only set us up for disappointment again and again and prevents us from taking the right amount of time and care to communicate properly about our differences. Men make the mistake of expecting women to think, communicate and react the way they do and vice versa. When people forget that men and women are supposed to be different it invites unnecessary conflict, tension and friction. We need to recognise and understand these differences in order to reduce confusion when dealing with the opposite sex. By remembering that men are from Mars and women are from Venus everything can be explained.
Now I would recommend this book to anyone, it is the best tool on the market in terms of saving relationships and also building relationships. When you understand what a man/woman needs, everything becomes much easier and less stressful. Now I am only going to talk about my personal favorites that have helped me the most, firstly the “Mr fix it”: Sometimes we just want to talk and be heard, not even questioned, just heard, understood and sympathized with. Most women have been there and can easily say that at times they feel like their man just “does not listen” and you are not alone, even when they are, they are accessing it as you speak whilst trying to find the quickest solution instead of just being there for you, hearing you out. The mans way of showing he loves you is to help you “fix” something you don’t need to be fixed. This is not a car, this is not a computer, it is our emotions and things are not as logical and black and white as they can be with men.
You see when women are trying to get a man to understand them and adjust to who THEY are, sometimes men can mistake this as “she is trying to change me!” when of course this is not the case, it is in a women’s nature to want to help the man they love grow and try to help him become the best he can in all aspects of his life. There are differences in just an out-and-out bossy bitch with serious issues she needs to address and a woman who loves you telling you things that she thinks can better your life. While women feel like they are nurturing their man, he may feel as if he’s being controlled and all he wants is her acceptance. We wat empathy, not solution, while he wants acceptance and sometimes doesn’t get why his “Mr fix it” attitude is being taken so negatively.
Life on Mars consists of: Power, competency, efficiency , pride, success and achievement.
Everything on Mars reflects these values, even the way they dress reflects their skills and competence, Police officers, Soldiers, Businessmen, Scientists, Technicians, Chefs, all uniforms that reflects competence and power. They are more concern with outdoor activities while we are reading our magazines and books men prefer things like, hunting, fishing, hiking, cars, news, weather, sports, fuck a novel or self-help book! Give them objects and things as opposed to people and feelings and all is well. Woman fantasize about romance, while men fantasize about cars or the latest gadgets and how to get them! Men want things that can help them express power by creating results whilst achieving their goals and achieving goals is very important to a man because it is a way he can prove his competence and so feel good about himself. It is also important for a man to achieve this by himself, so whilst he may share his ideas and thoughts for opinions, his input must be purely from his own mind.
When women understand that these are reasons why men don’t like being corrected or being told what to do, they can then find the right way of communicating in a way that doesn’t belittle the man but also helps her get the results she wants.
*The Man Cave*
When a man goes into his cave he needs to be left alone, it may not have anything to do with you but when a man needs his man time, you MUST let him be and like a rubber band he will spring back when he is ready, but may need to pull right away from you before he does so. When a man pulls away it is important not to take it to heart or to try to force him out of his cave as unfortunately this can have some disastrous effects.
*A mans sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results*
TO BE CONTINUED… (P.S Ladies your time will come, believe me this is not a book all about men, I hope the ladies pay attention, maybe you can save or fix things where I messed up)